The Escalade

Why do people buy SUV's if they have absolutely no idea how to drive them? I swear I almost get killed about four times a day driving in Philadelphia, mostly by SUV's. I am not the best driver but at least I drive a vehicle I can handle. I saw Samuel Dalembert(Sixers player, I see him at our gym a lot) the other day on the side of the road and I contemplated stopping to help him with whatever was going on with his tire. But then I thought, "What can I do to help this guy? Give him my tire gauge? Change his tire? First of all, this guy is like 7 foot 2, so I'm thinkin' his torque could be a little better than mine (even though I'm built like a Norweigan washwoman) and furthermore, he's loaded. So he could hire somebody to fix his car. Um, his SUV. Which I think he can drive.

From now on, I have a Boston Accent

Yep. I do. This whole Minnesotan accent just isn't cutting it for me. I spent Independence Day weekend in Boston and Cape Cod, and I heard the best accents (Second, of course, to Scottish ones). I want one. For instance,

1. We were in Provincetown and this guy came up to me and asked, "Do they sell be-eah he-eah?"
2. Sitting in front of the Esplanade on the harbor, they broadcast this kid wearing a Yankees jersey (the crowd booed him), and this guy in front of me proclaimed "That kid's gonna be scahhed fa life!"
3. This drunk idiot on the T yelled, "I can predict the futah- the sawks are gonna win the warld series- they're gonna trade Nomah fa Randy Johnson" I want to sound uneducated in a fun way. Why not.

So I'm gonna say, as Lars says, "Go up frickin' 495, past the pahkin lawt and take a left at the retahded kid"...